perky

His name is Percy Alwyn Hertzog Simmons III. He has a dog named Garfield and a cat named Snoopy. He wears size 17 EEEE shoes, sneakers, mostly, white, predominantly, Velcro-ed, always. He is very slender for his height, which is 6-foot-2; he weighs 135. His goal in life was to drive a Yellow Cab. He doesn’t. He’s a toll-taker at Exit 34B on the Ohio Turnpike. It’s a rather boring job, he doesn’t mind admitting to himself, nor telling others, but he makes do by playing Sudoku. He’s become very good. He’s never been married, though he came close: in January of 2003 he proposed through the toll-booth window to Mary Sue Finklestein Winslow as she headed to work at the turnpike Sbarro between Exits 34A and 34B. She said yes, then no, then maybe, which didn’t surprise him, though her indecision did send him into a rather steep bout of depression for three weeks. He hasn’t allowed his heart to wander since. Today, “Perky,” as he’s called by friends, will become a national hero, when he unknowingly foils the kidnapping of a six-year-old, Malamute, Indiana, girl. He will be shot in the head and die in the process. Two years later, the nearby rest stop will be named in his honor and Mary Sue forever will rue not saying yes.