esther's journal

TUESDAY, September 12: Merge Rhoden, the academic dean, caught me in the hallway, today, and asked me if I would mind teaching a few sections of senior English. The last six years I’ve taught sophomores, and I love them. They’re not freshmen any longer and they’re not yet juniors. That may sound rather obvious, but it means this: they’ve graduated the “puppy dog” phase and haven’t quite yet entered the “knows-it-all” year. I’ve enjoyed watching them grow up before my eyes. Anyway, it’s tough to say no to Merge. She always looks so tired and forlorn that you end up – at least I do – saying OK, just because. So, that’ll be it, this year – two blocks of sophomores and two of seniors.

More on Merge: We’ve been working together for almost 20 years, but I feel as though I don’t know her, at all. So, I decided, too, that I would make that one of my Last Year’s Resolutions. Right, the cancer thing, again. Sorry. But a short note about that, too: it’s a brain tumor. Inoperable. The rest of me looks like I could go one forever, or at least a good bit longer. In fact, I was studying my figure in the mirror just this morning and I did think to myself, “At least I’ll go before my hips, thighs and boobs head south.”

The kids did arrive, too, today. I was happy to see them. I often thought about leaving here, leaving the boarding school life, but it does get ahold of you; it does have an interesting rhythm. Especially the fall. It’s like a rebirth. And the energy of the kids is palpable.

One more thing: I really was horny this afternoon. The feeling grabbed me right in the middle of the new parent orientation. First time in a long time, actually. Not sure why. But it was a nice, vibrant feeling, a little giggle of life. Made me feel like a girl, again. I embraced it, enjoyed it. I blushed, inside. I think TNZ – The New Zac – might have noticed. He flirted with me, a bit. And, to tell you the truth, I flirted right back.