so far away from home

I don’t even
know
which way
leads
where,
anymore.
I can’t imagine being
in that place,
again.
It’s been such a long time. Home.
It was there,
once.
I was there,
once.
I remember,
sometimes,
what it felt
like, how it sounded, how it smelled. The voices.
The smiles.
The center.
Now, I turn
this way
and that
and end
up
in the same
place:
Not There.
I think of it
sometimes,
now, as if
it were
a dream.
I tell
myself I know better. I tell myself
that.
But I believe
it not
very much.
Anymore.