if not

She wakes in the middle of the night, feeling alone, even though she is not, but wondering, quietly, how that can be so, that she feels that way? He breathes softly, lying on his side, faced away from her, and she wonders if he suddenly turned toward her would she recognize the face? A silly thought, but she lets it live -- and then grow. If it weren’t him, would it be better, or worse? If not him, who would she want it to be? No one, she decides, quickly, for it’s not him, but her. And she already knew that.